Zuckervati MissingLinks: Seven Reasons to Become a Polygamist’s Wife

Poking fun at the raid in Texas on the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Seven Reasons Why I’m Becoming a Polygamist’s Wife

3. Nightly Orgies I’m always down for some sexy-time. In the FLDS, I can get it on with multiple people at the same time. I’ve always wanted to participate in an orgy—screw just a three-way, I’ll be having a ninety-nine way. There will be so many unique orifices for me to stimulate and be stimulated in. True, I’ll have to wait my turn, but after a certain age, it will be a good thing. Married people are always bitching about having to beat cheeks with their husbands anyways. After a certain point, I just won’t have to anymore; my husband will trade me in for a younger version. Then, I’ll be able to fulfill my lesbian fantasies with my co-wives.